we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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