I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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