I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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