You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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