Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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