i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
