I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
