now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
