i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
