I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
