I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
