thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize