Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
