Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
