soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
