Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
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Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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