so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
