You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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