Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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