I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
