Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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