you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I could fuck to npr.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
