So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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