sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
