My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
