This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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