i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
