Can i not drive my cunt home
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
