Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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