ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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