you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.