We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?