i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating