someone threw a dead crab at me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me