I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
