I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
