please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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