When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
