Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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