Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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