Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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