i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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