i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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