i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
