did you get engaged???
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
