I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i believe in u and ur pee
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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