My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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