love makes seman taste better
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
