i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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