I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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