He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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