I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
