she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
