i think my tv is drunk
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
