He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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