Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
