Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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