I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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