i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
