just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
