since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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