y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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