I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
