Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
