highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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