I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I had to cum in my sink.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
